Still Nothing
T is still ‘thinking’. He says he’s under stress. His best friend just had a baby..last night. We had plans to hang out but instead of being happy for him when he cancelled (yay, baby!) I was upset. I got really mad. The anger only lasted a little while and then I decided to do something productive. Hence the baby star shaped blanket I’m making. It was hard. I couldn’t find happiness and even now I’m making sure I act super happy for him to make up for it. Acting. I don’t really feel anything about it. When I have my own children, then I’ll feel happy.
I was at his house today for about an hour and after he was done ramming it home and fell asleep, I got dressed. I saw my cake carrier with that chocolate chip cookie still in it. He didn’t fucking eat it. He didn’t fucking eat it and I basically ended up just fucking him rather than having the conversation I’ve been dying to have. So, when we went outside for him to smoke a cigarette I told him that I think I shouldn’t come over anymore. He asked why and I told him that I keep hoping things will change, that he’ll change his mind but I’m hurting myself. He had the phone in his hand, waiting for his friend to pick up and when he finally did, T told him he’d call him back. And that’s when he started telling me about all the stress and he’s still thinking. It’s important to him that he know what the crap he’s doing for a job. The whole thing ended up with a giant hug goodbye for the day. Friday we are going to see Toy Story 3.
Oh and I quit Walgreen’s on Friday. I’m now applying places I never thought I would apply. I was just miserable there. I don’t know where I should go to be happy, though.
I moved my prescription of progesterone to Target pharmacy but I’m no longer going to have insurance and it looks like they don’t have a generic version of my medication (at least according to their brochure) so I don’t think I’m going to be able to continue with it. It was never really treatment anyway. Just management.
I’m probably a little depressed right now.
