Learning to Drive at Advanced Age

I was just like everybody else. I got my permit at 15. I even passed my first try while my friends failed. Then life happened, anxiety built up, one bad experience and six years passed. I see sixteen year olds gleefully getting their first cars and it pisses me off. I did this to myself. I can blame everyone else but I didn’t take the incentive to drive.

And now I am. Now that I’m ancient…old..arthritic…21. I’m behind. The task of getting behind the wheel seemed monumental and now it isn’t such a big deal. Traffic isn’t a big deal. But the second I see parked cars, I freak out. Parking lots = satans nutsack designed just to impregnate me. I can park without hitting the cones, reverse without murdering children, do a three point turn semi-decently, but I still panic. It won’t be good enough. They expect perfection. When I enter the DMV to take the road test, everything is going to stop. People are going to turn, look at me, point and laugh. I’ll look down and see that I am naked. And once I’m in the car, I’ll be speeding over curbs and killing babies, senior citizens who are even more elderly than Justin, and cats.

I want to quit.